We have all been there--it's no fun. When an event triggers us and we get upset, our typical M.O. is to resist the feelings or try to avoid them by distraction. It's pain--and we don't want to feel it. Instead, we blame the other person/event for causing it.
"The Untethered Soul" written by Michael Singer, offers a simple, but effective solution. Oprah was so taken by this book, she featured Mr. Singer on her network (and that is how I discovered it).