We have all been there--it's no fun. When an event triggers us and we get upset, our typical M.O. is to resist the feelings or try to avoid them by distraction. It's pain--and we don't want to feel it. Instead, we blame the other person/event for causing it.
"The Untethered Soul" written by Michael Singer, offers a simple, but effective solution. Oprah was so taken by this book, she featured Mr. Singer on her network (and that is how I discovered it).
- "It shouldn't have happened"
- Avoid that person from now on"
- "What that person did was wrong"
- "If that person would act differently or change, I would feel at peace"
- "That person is a jerk"
There's a way to empower yourself here and heal. These triggering events stimulate what Singer calls "Thorns." In order to release the thorns, you need to:
- Be aware of them
- Experience the pain of the thorn
- Allow the pain to pass through you
It requires a willingness of being aware and being present. It's going to be uncomfortable (especially at first if you have been diligent about avoiding). But slowly you will learn to be present with the pain. And realize the avoidance of the pain is worse then the pain itself (contrary to what the mind tells you). As you allow this process to unfold, eventually the thorns will extract themselves and you won't feel the emotional pain anymore.