All of us need support in our life. When going through life traumas, relationship stress, or mental suffering (beating ourselves up, feeling insecure, bothered by what someone said about us), having a support system is important. Oftentimes, this support system takes the form of your significant other, family, and close friends. Take a second to think about your support system. Who do you talk to when you have a bad day, when your coworker is driving you up the wall, when you’re having relationship problems, or when you’re feeling insecure about a situation you’re in?
Now, a question for you: have you ever looked for support from someone and left the conversation feeling worse? Perhaps they just didn’t seem to get what you were saying. Maybe they started offering things you could have done differently, which caused you to second-guess yourself even more. Maybe they downplayed the situation, which made you feel like you were acting crazy. If you’ve ever felt this way, take a look back and think about who that person was. Have they ever been through your situation? Do they typically react to situations the same way that you do? If not, they might not have been the right person to go to for help.
Matching Your Needs to the Right Support Provider
Many times, we don’t know exactly what we need in that moment, and/or we don’t know the best person to provide that need. We often go to a person who is close to us, like a significant other or best friend, but they may not be able, willing, or available to meet our need. We often fall into the trap that our significant other should always be able to meet our needs. If you try to force them to meet your need and they can’t, you end up feeling worse and both of you get frustrated.
Expecting one person to meet all of our needs is impractical. No one person can do that. However, it doesn’t mean we just have to suffer in the meantime! Far from it. Our lives would go smoother if we are clear with what we need and then reach out to the best person to help us with it. Needs come in many forms, but here’s a few major ones:
This can come from different people or groups of people such as a friend, mother, sibling, life coach, coworker, social club, or networking group.
If your need(s) are being met, you will start to feel better. If you aren’t feeling better, you may not be getting what you need from that person or you aren’t clear on what your need is. Remember, if you try to force this person to meet your needs, you will only frustrate yourself (and them) and end up feeling worse.
Another thing to remember: You are not alone in having these experiences. At any given time there are thousands, if not millions of people having the same exact experience you are right now. Even though it appears in your immediate environment you are completely alone, there are several people throughout the planet who are connected to you through this experience of pain/discomfort right along with you. Be compassionate with yourself and offer them compassion as well.
Before you walk away from this blog post, take a moment to identify who in your life provides the support forms listed above. It can be multiple people or perhaps just a couple. Then, the next time you’re in need of a friend, determine what kind of support you’re looking for and ensure that you go to the right person for that support. I promise you will begin to have more productive and meaningful conversations. You will second-guess yourself less and your confidence will increase.
Image credit: 10080031 by moodboard via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0
Expecting one person to meet all of our needs is impractical. No one person can do that. However, it doesn’t mean we just have to suffer in the meantime! Far from it. Our lives would go smoother if we are clear with what we need and then reach out to the best person to help us with it. Needs come in many forms, but here’s a few major ones:
- Connection (just sharing and/or being with someone)
- Being seen and heard (someone listening completely to you and acknowledging your feelings)
- Empathy (“I have been there, been through same thing”)
- Compassion (“I can imagine how hard this must be for you”)
- Understanding (“I get it”)
- Reassurance (“You will be okay, you will make it through, you are okay”)
This can come from different people or groups of people such as a friend, mother, sibling, life coach, coworker, social club, or networking group.
If your need(s) are being met, you will start to feel better. If you aren’t feeling better, you may not be getting what you need from that person or you aren’t clear on what your need is. Remember, if you try to force this person to meet your needs, you will only frustrate yourself (and them) and end up feeling worse.
Another thing to remember: You are not alone in having these experiences. At any given time there are thousands, if not millions of people having the same exact experience you are right now. Even though it appears in your immediate environment you are completely alone, there are several people throughout the planet who are connected to you through this experience of pain/discomfort right along with you. Be compassionate with yourself and offer them compassion as well.
Before you walk away from this blog post, take a moment to identify who in your life provides the support forms listed above. It can be multiple people or perhaps just a couple. Then, the next time you’re in need of a friend, determine what kind of support you’re looking for and ensure that you go to the right person for that support. I promise you will begin to have more productive and meaningful conversations. You will second-guess yourself less and your confidence will increase.
Image credit: 10080031 by moodboard via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0
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