Many of us call ourselves a perfectionist. If you’re one of these people, you know all too well the inner perfectionist can be a little domineering sometimes. Yet, what you might not know is that you don’t have to be victim to it. Your inner perfectionist can be managed effectively by practicing being aware of it, knowing it is not you and getting support from others when you can’t seem to separate from it.
You don’t have to suffer through the rest of your life by letting your inner perfectionist run the show.
What does the perfectionist sound like?
You don’t have to suffer through the rest of your life by letting your inner perfectionist run the show.
What does the perfectionist sound like?
One day I needed to get some writing done, but I really just wanted to relax on the couch. Yet, as I am laying on the couch, my perfectionist is speaking loudly in my head: “lazy bum”, “you never get anything done”, “if you don’t get your writing done, you only have yourself to blame”, “you relax too much.”
Sound familiar? It’s a pretty harsh voice, isn’t it?
This voice shows up in many ways in our lives, and it is not just with work. Another example that many moms can relate to:
One of my clients is a stay-at-home Mom with a one-year-old child. As many of you know, a one year old child requires a vigilant, watchful eye. This client was resting on the couch while the baby was napping. Yet, she felt guilty because she wasn’t being productive. “I must get things done,” “I must not rest for a moment!”, “there is too much to do!”
Again, you don’t have to suffer through the rest of your life by letting your inner perfectionist run the show.
Okay, so what CAN you do about this voice?
If you are able to do this process on your own, awesome. But, it takes practice. And sometimes we just aren’t able to do this on our own--which is A-OK and totally normal. This is when you reach out for support from others:
Okay, remember peeps, this about managing, and managing is a life-long process. You will not fix this overnight. You will learn to become skilled by practice and by seeking support when you need it. I will be writing more about this inner awareness and who the other members of your “team” are (the perfectionist is only one of many team members we have as part of our human experience). I will also be going into more detail on what support and compassion really are and look like. So, stay tuned. This is all really good, life changing stuff!
Image credit: Laying on the couch by slewelling via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0
Sound familiar? It’s a pretty harsh voice, isn’t it?
This voice shows up in many ways in our lives, and it is not just with work. Another example that many moms can relate to:
One of my clients is a stay-at-home Mom with a one-year-old child. As many of you know, a one year old child requires a vigilant, watchful eye. This client was resting on the couch while the baby was napping. Yet, she felt guilty because she wasn’t being productive. “I must get things done,” “I must not rest for a moment!”, “there is too much to do!”
Again, you don’t have to suffer through the rest of your life by letting your inner perfectionist run the show.
Okay, so what CAN you do about this voice?
- First, be aware of it. Notice what it says when it shows up.
- Determine whether it is helping. Is it motivating you in that moment? Or just causing mental suffering?
- Then determine if there is another type of voice that could be present with you here. Maybe it's your inner hippie saying, "Hey perfectionist, give me a break, I'm relaxing here!" or maybe it's your inner realist saying, "Hey perfectionist, I'm tired, and could use 10 minutes." Think about it, if you heard another mom saying she felt guilty for resting while her child napped, wouldn't you tell her to give herself a break? Do the same for yourself :)
If you are able to do this process on your own, awesome. But, it takes practice. And sometimes we just aren’t able to do this on our own--which is A-OK and totally normal. This is when you reach out for support from others:
- Seek out someone you trust who can offer you empathy, understanding, reassurance (friend, Mom, Life Coach--by the way coaches are exceptionally skilled on helping you manage the perfectionist).
Okay, remember peeps, this about managing, and managing is a life-long process. You will not fix this overnight. You will learn to become skilled by practice and by seeking support when you need it. I will be writing more about this inner awareness and who the other members of your “team” are (the perfectionist is only one of many team members we have as part of our human experience). I will also be going into more detail on what support and compassion really are and look like. So, stay tuned. This is all really good, life changing stuff!
Image credit: Laying on the couch by slewelling via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0
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