This is Part 2 of my Compassion blog posts. In Part 1, I shared what it feels like to offer yourself compassion. When you are able to offer yourself compassion, you find yourself feeling at peace and in acceptance of what is currently happening. So, the next question is how do you offer yourself that compassion? Sometimes telling yourself to cut yourself some slack just doesn’t seem to take the stress level down. In Part 2, I’m going to share a technique that has made a significant difference in my life: Voice Dialogue.
Voice Dialogue: Learning to Train Your Inner Voices
In their book Embracing Ourselves, Hal and Sidra Stone describe our psyche as being composed of many “selves”. These selves develop in our formative years and are constantly vying for our attention. An extreme version of this is Multiple Personality Disorder, but that is not what I am talking about here. It is NORMAL for all of us to have many inner selves. In fact, I like to call them my “Team” or “Crew.” The awesome thing about all these selves is they have much wisdom and our best interests at heart. When you become aware of them and who is speaking to you at any given moment, you get to tap into their wisdom and message for you.
Who's on Your Inner Team?
Take a moment to think about who is on your inner team. Do you have a nervous/anxious side? Do you like to generate ideas? Is it easy for you to offer empathy to others? Are you driven? Do you shoot down ideas? If any or all of these are true for you, you have these selves on your inner team. Here are some examples:
Feel free to change the names. I’m not attached to them :)
- Idea Ilene
- Nervous Nellie
- Empathetic Ellen
- Adventurous Allie
- Hippie Helen
- Pusher Pam
- Naysayer Nina
- Playful child Carrie
Feel free to change the names. I’m not attached to them :)
Having Compassion for your Inner Team
Think about a team you’ve been on before. There’s a good chance some of the personalities listed above were on your team. You may have a team member who’s full of ideas, a naysayer, and one who’s really nervous to speak up. In that situation, the way to find success is to work together and compromise. In the end, you need everyone’s knowledge and input in order to get the job done. It’s the same situation with your inner team.
For example, say you’re attempting to sleep-in one morning and you start to feel guilty about it. Thoughts go through your head such as, “You need to get out of bed.” “If you lay here all day you will never get anything done.” “You won’t be successful in life if you don’t get up.” “You will run out of money if you stay in bed.” “You don’t need any more sleep, get moving.”
Sounds like Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina are running the show. The first step here is to take a step back and recognize that Nellie, Pam, and Nina are concerned about your welfare. Be aware of them and ask them why they keep pushing you (this is the Voice Dialogue part). There’s a good chance they’ll say, "I don’t want you to be homeless.” “I don’t want you to miss out on life.” “I worry about you.” “I want you to be happy.” They want you to be safe and happy, which is why they are putting the pressure on you. Their intentions are good, but they just need to calm down, so the next step is say, “Thanks for your concern, but you’re putting unfair pressure on me right now."
If you can’t calm any of those voices, this is when to bring compassion to yourself. Have compassion for Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina. Have compassion for your awareness of them and inability to alleviate the pressure. Have compassion for your struggle in this moment. Time and time again, when I have awareness with the inner team who is speaking and I bring compassion forward, I discover peace. This frees me up to be in the moment and flow of life. AND, I will get up and get things done in a free flowing energy kind of way, instead of a guilt/forcing kind of way.
Image credit: Elusive by Viewminder via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0
For example, say you’re attempting to sleep-in one morning and you start to feel guilty about it. Thoughts go through your head such as, “You need to get out of bed.” “If you lay here all day you will never get anything done.” “You won’t be successful in life if you don’t get up.” “You will run out of money if you stay in bed.” “You don’t need any more sleep, get moving.”
Sounds like Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina are running the show. The first step here is to take a step back and recognize that Nellie, Pam, and Nina are concerned about your welfare. Be aware of them and ask them why they keep pushing you (this is the Voice Dialogue part). There’s a good chance they’ll say, "I don’t want you to be homeless.” “I don’t want you to miss out on life.” “I worry about you.” “I want you to be happy.” They want you to be safe and happy, which is why they are putting the pressure on you. Their intentions are good, but they just need to calm down, so the next step is say, “Thanks for your concern, but you’re putting unfair pressure on me right now."
If you can’t calm any of those voices, this is when to bring compassion to yourself. Have compassion for Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina. Have compassion for your awareness of them and inability to alleviate the pressure. Have compassion for your struggle in this moment. Time and time again, when I have awareness with the inner team who is speaking and I bring compassion forward, I discover peace. This frees me up to be in the moment and flow of life. AND, I will get up and get things done in a free flowing energy kind of way, instead of a guilt/forcing kind of way.
Image credit: Elusive by Viewminder via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0
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