Personal and professional development is the mainstay these days and into the future, it is how you create a DREAM TEAM. A Dream Team believes in the company vision, feels valued by their contributions and together, both the business and employees thrive--its a win/win.

-->so, how do you begin to develop the DREAM TEAM?

The challenges with a lot of leadership development programs is they are not always personalized, and instead, employ a one-size fits all design. In some cases, especially large organizations, this style works! 

But what about the small but mighty, family-oriented organizations?  Sometimes a customized and adaptive approach works best and truly maximizes learning for the individual, especially those employees who have no idea about their true potential, but just need someone to believe in them, 

-->so, Where do you start?

 1) First and foremost: Everything stems from the top---leadership skills scale down, not up. You can "talk" leadership development all day, but in reality? Actions always speak louder than words:

-->Are YOU investing in and committed to your own development? Do you work with a coach? Are you attending trainings/workshops? Are you networking with other entrepreneurs who value having a DREAM TEAM? Do you have a mentor?  Do you have a development plan? Are you putting it into action? Are you aware of your strengths and development areas? In what ways are you building on them?

2) Launch a discovery: it is all about questions and curiosity!
Ask yourself these questions:
-->What is your vision for the company moving forward? Do you want to continue to grow revenue? Increase size of company? Become National or Global? or stay local and committed to the community focus? What type of employees do you have? What characteristics do you value from them? How are they similar or not similar to you?  In what ways does this work effectively? In ways does it not work?

Ask your employees: 
​---> What types of training do they find most helpful?  What are their unique and individual learning styles? What do you they want to learn and develop? What are their aspirations and dreams? What inspires them in general?  What does a good day at work look like for them?

-->This Discovery is the most important part of the process. By knowing what will be the most effective and gaining clarity on what works and does not work you are moving towards maximizing the success of individuals in their effort of development
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3) Map the commonalities and choose the trainings.  Once you find out the commonalities between your employees needs/potential, what the short-term and long-term vision of the organization is and then connecting the common pieces and values, --> determine what areas you want to continue to strengthen and what types of individual training, workshops and other development programs including coaching that you want to invest in.  There are many to choose from,

Stay tuned for my next post where I will share advantages/disadvantages of different types of development trainings

Many times, we don’t know exactly what we need in that moment, and/or we don’t know the best person to provide that need. We often go to a person who is close to us, like a significant other or best friend, but they may not be able, willing, or available to meet our need. We often fall into the trap that our significant other should always be able to meet our needs. If you try to force them to meet your need and they can’t, you end up feeling worse and both of you get frustrated.

Expecting one person to meet all of our needs is impractical. No one person can do that. However, it doesn’t mean we just have to suffer in the meantime! Far from it. Our lives would go smoother if we are clear with what we need and then reach out to the best person to help us with it. Needs come in many forms, but here’s a few major ones:

• Connection (just sharing and/or being with someone)
  

• Being seen and heard (someone listening completely to you and acknowledging your feelings)
  

• Empathy (“I have been there, been through same thing”)
  

• Compassion (“I can imagine how hard this must be for you”)
  

• Understanding (“I get it”)
  

• Reassurance (“You will be okay, you will make it through, you are okay”)
  

This can come from different people or groups of people such as a friend, mother, sibling, life coach, coworker, social club, or networking group.

If your need(s) are being met, you will start to feel better. If you aren’t feeling better, you may not be getting what you need from that person or you aren’t clear on what your need is. Remember, if you try to force this person to meet your needs, you will only frustrate yourself (and them) and end up feeling worse.

Another thing to remember:  You are not alone in having these experiences.  At any given time there are thousands, if not millions of people having the same exact experience you are right now.  Even though it appears in your immediate environment you are completely alone, there are several people throughout the planet who are connected to you through this experience of pain/discomfort right along with you.  Be compassionate with yourself and offer them compassion as well.

Before you walk away from this blog post, take a moment to identify who in your life provides the support forms listed above. It can be multiple people or perhaps just a couple. Then, the next time you’re in need of a friend, determine what kind of support you’re looking for and ensure that you go to the right person for that support. I promise you will begin to have more productive and meaningful conversations. You will second-guess yourself less and your confidence will increase.

Image credit: 10080031 by moodboard via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0

Think about a team you’ve been on before. There’s a good chance some of the personalities listed above were on your team. You may have a team member who’s full of ideas, a naysayer, and one who’s really nervous to speak up. In that situation, the way to find success is to work together and compromise. In the end, you need everyone’s knowledge and input in order to get the job done. It’s the same situation with your inner team.

For example, say you’re attempting to sleep-in one morning and you start to feel guilty about it. Thoughts go through your head such as, “You need to get out of bed.”  “If you lay here all day you will never get anything done.”  “You won’t be successful in life if you don’t get up.”  “You will run out of money if you stay in bed.”  “You don’t need any more sleep, get moving.”

Sounds like Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina are running the show. The first step here is to take a step back and recognize that Nellie, Pam, and Nina are concerned about your welfare. Be aware of them and ask them why they keep pushing you (this is the Voice Dialogue part). There’s a good chance they’ll say, "I don’t want you to be homeless.”  “I don’t want you to miss out on life.”  “I worry about you.”  “I want you to be happy.” They want you to be safe and happy, which is why they are putting the pressure on you. Their intentions are good, but they just need to calm down, so the next step is say, “Thanks for your concern, but you’re putting unfair pressure on me right now."

If you can’t calm any of those voices, this is when to bring compassion to yourself. Have compassion for Nervous Nellie, Pusher Pam, and Naysayer Nina. Have compassion for your awareness of them and inability to alleviate the pressure. Have compassion for your struggle in this moment. Time and time again, when I have awareness with the inner team who is speaking and I bring compassion forward, I discover peace. This frees me up to be in the moment and flow of life. AND, I will get up and get things done in a free flowing energy kind of way, instead of a guilt/forcing kind of way.

Image credit: Elusive by Viewminder via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0

Compassion works the same way. If you are always giving it to others, but never giving it to yourself, you are depriving yourself of a life sustaining emotion. When we only offer compassion to others and not to ourselves, we are missing out on an opportunity and a gift. The gift is:  the more you can offer it to yourself, the more you can offer it to others (kinda like that oxygen mask thing).

Okay, okay, okay, this is starting to make sense you think, but how do you “offer” it to yourself?  It’s easier than you think.  It’s the same way you automatically offer it to others.

To help you with this, imagine someone you have felt compassion for in the recent past (or imagine a situation where you would feel it for someone else).  What is this feeling like?  Is it caring?  Loving?  Empathy?  Now, instead of it directing it to the other person, redirect these feelings back to yourself (I will often put my hand on my heart while doing this for myself). If it’s challenging to imagine doing this, then imagine someone is in the room with you and they are directing their compassion to you.

What is it like to feel this compassion?  If you are doing it right, it should feel pretty good.  It may feel like a weight is lifting off your shoulders, anxiety is easing, you’re taking a deep breath and knowing everything is okay.

Offering yourself compassion allows these truths:

• Who you are in this moment is enough.
  
• You are lovable in this moment without being perfect.
  
• You find yourself feeling peace and acceptance of what is currently happening.

Okay, we aren’t done with compassion.  This is step 1.  For some of you, this idea will be radical, but, trust me, it is life changing.  The impact of this simple act will change your life in an amazing way.  

If you allow it to :)



Image credit: Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance by Tom Waterhouse via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0

One day I needed to get some writing done, but I really just wanted to relax on the couch. Yet, as I am laying on the couch, my perfectionist is speaking loudly in my head:  “lazy bum”, “you never get anything done”, “if you don’t get your writing done, you only have yourself to blame”, “you relax too much.”  

Sound familiar?  It’s a pretty harsh voice, isn’t it?

This voice shows up in many ways in our lives, and it is not just with work. Another example that many moms can relate to:

One of my clients is a stay-at-home Mom with a one-year-old child.  As many of you know, a one year old child requires a vigilant, watchful eye. This client was resting on the couch while the baby was napping. Yet, she felt guilty because she wasn’t being productive.  “I must get things done,” “I must not rest for a moment!”, “there is too much to do!”  

Again, you don’t have to suffer through the rest of your life by letting your inner perfectionist run the show.

Okay, so what CAN you do about this voice?

1. First, be aware of it.  Notice what it says when it shows up.
   
   
2. Determine whether it is helping. Is it motivating you in that moment?  Or just causing mental suffering?
   
   
3. Then determine if there is another type of voice that could be present with you here.  Maybe it's your inner hippie saying, "Hey perfectionist, give me a break, I'm relaxing here!" or maybe it's your inner realist saying, "Hey perfectionist, I'm tired, and could use 10 minutes."  Think about it, if you heard another mom saying she felt guilty for resting while her child napped, wouldn't you tell her to give herself a break?  Do the same for yourself :)

If you are able to do this process on your own, awesome.  But, it takes practice.  And sometimes we just aren’t able to do this on our own--which is A-OK and totally normal.  This is when you reach out for support from others:

• Seek out someone you trust who can offer you empathy, understanding, reassurance (friend, Mom, Life Coach--by the way coaches are exceptionally skilled on helping you manage the perfectionist).
  
  

Keep in mind, WHO you go to support is mega-crucial.  If you reach out to someone who doesn’t at least understand and empathize with what you are going through, it will probably just make it worse.

Okay, remember peeps, this about managing, and managing is a life-long process. You will not fix this overnight. You will learn to become skilled by practice and by seeking support when you need it.  I will be writing more about this inner awareness and who the other members of your “team” are (the perfectionist is only one of many team members we have as part of our human experience).  I will also be going into more detail on what support and compassion really are and look like.  So, stay tuned.  This is all really good, life changing stuff!

Image credit: Laying on the couch by slewelling via Creative Commons License Attribution 2.0

What if you don’t really feel you need to attend church or [insert your “should” here]?

Do shoulds ever get into action? A lot of times, no.  But sometimes guilt shows up in full force and gets you in action.  But, do you want to take action (or no action) out of guilt?  Is that being authentic with yourself (See my latest post on authenticity here)?  In the end, aren’t you just being dishonest with yourself?

• I should go to church.  (no action)
  
• I don’t see the value in attending church.  (being authentic to your values)
  

See the honesty here?  But this kind of statement risks the backlash from those around you. They may think you are turning your back from God or are naturally an evil person.  And they can’t handle the fact you think/feel/are this way.

But what matters most?  What you think for yourself and what serves you? Or what others think of you and what serves them?

Start listening to your should statements.  Ask for others to help catch you when you do.  Take those statements and write them down.  Then take out the word “should” and insert “want.”  Does it resonate?  If no, change the words to find your true authentic feelings.

Maybe attending church isn’t the answer, but what are you really looking for?  A spiritual practice?  A community?  salvation?  Getting clear on this is very important.  Keep asking the question:  what do I want?  what truly resonates?  Eventually you will get to your real answer.  Working with a life coach can help you with finding this clarity.

Image credit: Should Magnets by Marilyn M. via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0

1. Be present with what you are struggling to make happen - “I am in traffic right now, running late for my meeting, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
   
   
2. Acknowledge the feelings associated with it - “It makes me feel angry and frustrated with myself. I should have known there would be traffic. I feel like running all of these other cars over.”  
   
   
3. Let them be present and just watch them--have compassion for yourself - “This is beyond my control. I know I hate being late for things, but here I am. [insert your name here], don’t be so hard on yourself.”
   
   
4. Ask them to be released - “I am willing to let you go anger...frustration. This too shall pass.

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

Do this process every time you feel the urge to create/force the thing you want.  It may be every minute some days.  Some days it may be every hour.  But keep doing it.  It works.

Image credit: Small Waterfall by Jonathan Gill via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0

Not being authentic to your values causes a lot of inner turmoil and unhappiness, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  This is where working with a Life Coach is helpful.  A coach first helps you discover your top 5-10 values in detail.  Then the coach inquires where in your life you are honoring or not honoring those values.  At this point you are at awareness and choice.  If one of your values is freedom, what does living a life of freedom look like to you?  Does it mean never having children or being married?  Travelling all over the world?  Owning your own business or working in a career with lots of flexibility?  Does it mean living by yourself?  What our values are and how we live and honor them is completely unique to each of us.  The key is gaining awareness and clarity on what that looks like.  Working with a life coach facilitates getting to this clarity faster and easier than many of us can do on our own.

Are you ready to discover your values?  Contact me for a free one-hour coaching session and I will get you started.  It will be well worth your time.

Photo credit: Balancing Rocks by Viewminder via Creative Commons License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0

When we are aligned with our life purpose, we fully feel alive. It means living a life of intention and making choices that align with our values.  You hear the same thing when people talk about a mission statement or vision statement - it’s getting to the heart of what your legacy is.

Ask yourself:

• What will I leave behind?
  
• What difference will I make in the lives of those I interact with?

Life purpose is a path.  Along this path you will experience internal and external voices that will tell you to go in different directions.  You are most vulnerable to these voices when you are unsure of your purpose.  Claiming your life purpose gives you a powerful sense of direction.  The truth in your life purpose statement can make you virtually unstoppable.

Developing a life purpose may include journaling, reading, personal reflection, or even interviewing others.

You want to answer questions such as:

• What is the hunger I am here to feed?
  
• Where is the pain I can ease?
  
• What is the teaching I am called to do?
  
• Where is the building I have the tools to accomplish?
  

Finding your life purpose is about discovering and utilizing your talents, applying learning from your experiences, and taking away new wisdom. It’s about self-discovery, value clarification and vision.  You are challenged to use the talents you have been given.  It’s a rare accomplishment and requires courage, bravery and the ability to weather uncomfortableness and storms, but also experience great beauty, capacity and openness.

If you are not living your life based on your life purpose, then you are most likely in dissonance.  Frustration, boredom, indifference, anger, resignation or justified action set in, which is really a form of self-betrayal.  However, these emotions are often based on stories or saboteurs (see my post on self-sabotage).  You find yourself feeling like you aren’t working hard enough, you aren’t smart enough, attractive enough, wealthy enough.  Blah blah blah.  This voice is taking you away from your life purpose.  It sucks, but it doesn’t have to be this way.  I promise :)

If you want to achieve your life purpose, or even if you want to discover what it is, contact me today.  I will help you discover and create it.  You can keep this and take it with you.  For free.

Stay tuned for my next post about living authentically, as it offers a similar perspective on staying true to your values and your life purpose.